Friday, November 04, 2005

 

We don't need no stinkin' titles

So I’m kinda seeing someone. For those who I haven’t been updating regularly, I was involved in this mini triangle thing with this girl and her ex, but it seems as if we’re kinda officially sorta talking or something. Which brings me to my point...these dating delineations are annoying.

We pretty much both approached seeing each other with the mutual desire to “keep it casual.” Does anyone know what that means, because we sure don’t. We’re either talking, hooking up, dating, working on a project together, friends with benefits, building a pinata, or making Salisbury steak sandwiches. I have no idea what the difference between any of these things are. All I know is I make out with her occasionally and have to pay for her when we go out to eat. Or maybe I’m paying so I can make out with her? I’m not sure.

Oh, and since I can’t go to Bucknell this weekend 1) the costume ideas will be wasted until another year and 2) Strulson doesn’t like me anymore.

 

The last week of Blogging has been a complete and utter lie

Yes I am sorry to inform ye'all but the one known as Richman, or Ralph I kinda forget wat i am calling him these days, is not coming to visit my humble abode. I am not sure how much longer I can type cause the tears are starting to swell up. Now there will be no pair of giant boobs, no Bender and Fry, no Adventurer and Bard, and no Carmello and LeBron. The town of Lewisburg is really the ones who r missing out. I know all of ya have been able to witness me and richman together whilst consuming alcohol and u have been delighted by our joyful antic, I know delighted is the exact emotion u guys conveyed. Anyways I dont really know what I am talking about I had a test in bio and my mind be fryed ( that was supposed to be spelled liek Fry). Thank you everyone for your ideas except for Mark and Jake who had stupid ideas and should be ashamed for even mentioning them in my presence. I will now leave you with advice handed down from my fore fathers " Don't Piss uphill".

Thursday, November 03, 2005

 

Moving Day

I hate moving day. Why? Well mostly because I'm too lazy to actually move things myself, and I'm too weak to lift anything. So moving to Lorton last weekend was a comic event. My parents moved my sister in first and then drove to good old Fredericksburg to help me move. Now my old roommate was kind enough to help my dad move all my heavy stuff out for me, however when we drove back up to Lorton my sister and mother had disappeared. I was left to help my dad carry in my bed and mattress. The mattress took 1 hour to move up 3 flights of stairs. As we were trying to get the mattress through the front door I dropped the mattress on a 15 year old plant from Korea. Apparently this is an important plant that the woman was planning on picking up once we had moved in. It's now flattened and one side of the plant's branches are broken off. I'm still hoping she doesn't notice. (This woman believes we were destined to meet and invited us to her house for tea. Jenny and I were afraid to drink it because we had just read The Land Lady by Roald Dahl. The land lady poisons her tenants after telling them that she had been waiting for them. So this woman still scares me)
As we continued up the stairs I again lost my grip and was pinned against the wall. My dad was yelling at me to keep moving, but obviously I couldn't move since I was flatted against the wall. Now you would think that my own father would help me, but no he just laughed at me. Eventually I wiggled my way out and finally made it to my room. I think in the future when moving I will be leaving my mattress and investing in a hammock.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

 

Ur Guide to Strulsonese


Have you ever found yourself reading a Strulson-authored post and scratching your head afterward? Does the combination of keyboard palm-slapping and drunken english have you confused? Well, fear not, here is your pocket guide to the language of the great shirtless one, and you are guaranteed not to hate it.

First, use of the direct address "You" must be changed to the simple vowel sound "u". This eleminates two completely unneccessary keystrokes when you're stuck between a girl and chem homework. For example:

English: "I bet you were embarassed by your drunken typing, Chris."
Strulsonese: "I bet u were embarssed by ur drunken typing, princess."

Let's take this a step further -- if you are having difficulty finishing a thought, add a long sequence of periods to show your effort. This transforms the standard "ellipse" into the "ummlipse." Why hold the key down for a set amount of time when you can let it ride? For example:

English: "I was taking to Laura ... and she was fat."
Strulsonese: "I was talking to Laura.....................................and she was fat."

Also, remember that you can save a lot of effort by refusing to acknowledge the rules of capitalization. All proper nouns are less than awesome, so why show them respect?

English: "The President of the United States visited Bucknell and talked about Christianity."
Strulsonese: "The president of the united states visited bucknell and talked about christianity, bitches."

Should you lose your place in the posting, it is acceptable to do the following:

English: "As I was saying, the existence of God is based on a series of..."
Strulsonese: "Ummm.............what??"

Finally, let's combine all of the above to transform a normal post into advanced translation:

English: "I met a group of very attractive women the other evening, and we went out on the town for a few drinks, some dancing and then back to my place for board games."
Strulsonese: "Yo! fat Laura......................i met ur friends the other nite and got drunk. Look, i dont hate it. then they (knock knock)...........COME IN! Wait, what? Somebody crack a window, will ya! Chris, get on my back!"


 
Poor Culpepper....and Laura....both take such abuse at the hands and mouth of Stulson.

That was much more sexual than I intended it to be. I apologize.

I completely didn't see "belated Halloween party" in Chris' post, so I guess my suggestion WASN'T "waaaaaaay too late." Go me.

Anyway, so as to not have everyone scroll down to find it, my suggestion was to go as Bender and Fry. But then again, it's probably because I just watched Futurama. Plus I went to a Halloween party as Bender, and I want to be imitated.

And thanks to Jake, I now have a new facebook pic.

Time to jump back onto that sorority window. Mark, away!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

 

When you point a finger there are like 3 or so pointing back

It's true though I am the cause of Culpeppers demise, lets face it he was the only Viking that anyone could even think of respecting so I made sure to ruin him. Speaking of Daunte, I was playing Flag Football on sunday ( we have a team full of Chem geeks). I am the quarterback on the team and was being chased by a couple guys from the opposing team, then one of them went to dive at me........instead of grabbing my flags, I am way too fat for that to happen, the guy held my shorts which proceeded to rip and tear until there was not much there ( rhyming bitches!). Now this may not have been as bad had I not been wearing briefs and were our team not co-ed, sadly both these items are true and I was thoroughly embarrassed. I just wanted to telll that story and tell Richman that we should each go as a giant breast, then stand together all night (mostly so he doesnt hook up with Amy again, hahahahha!...........oh and Laura is fat

 

I blame Strulson...

...for the demise of Culpepper.

And I'm without a computer for the next couple days, so I'll be jumping on and off like Mark on a sorority house windowsill.

Monday, October 31, 2005

 

Homecoming Pics

I just got a bunch of pictures developed from Homecoming and wanted to share some. Sniff...I miss you guys!


Sunday, October 30, 2005

 

Two in a row, time to go solo

Room 255 (and others), I need your help! This upcoming weekend I'm going to be headed to Bucknell, where there will be a 78% chance of drunkenness interlaced with a 2% chance of getting ass.

However, Strulson just told me on the phone to "bring a costume," since they are having a belated Halloween celebration. Initially I was horrified, until I remember the fun and revelry of such past characters as Lebron James/Carmello Anthony and James Worthy/Horace Grant. Strulson suggested that we dress as Walter and Perry, but I said that no one would get it. Rather than rack our meager brains for a different idea, we instead decided to put it to you, our readers, to come up with a good duet for us to dress as. Please help us!

Chris/Matt

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?