Friday, October 28, 2005

 

Argh

So in grad school I have classes and most dealings with people that are, for the most part, older than me. While when I tell them that I still live at home they usually nod and say they would do the same thing if they could, I get the feeling that they are laughing behind my back. I know that I already tackled the issue of living at home http://www.collegehumor.com/articles/1597941/ , but lately I’ve had a few interesting episodes.

If you missed my last blurty entry, I spoke of some interesting dinner table conversation. Since I usually work until class and then have class until sleep and sleep until work, I haven’t been home too much, but the few times that I have eaten at home have proven to be a hotbed of awkwardness. Tonight included the following conversation, prompted by me bringing up Craig.

Mom: What’s Craig doing now?
Me: He’s a bellhop.
For the benefit of some of our viewing audience, the subsequential comments have been omitted.
Me: But he’s thinking of teaching in Japan.
Brad: Yeah, he likes the slanty vagina.
Mom: Bradford!
Dad: You know, in Italy they are shaped like a boot!
(The entire family looks towards my mother)
Mom: It’s true.

Seriously, I wish I could invent this fucking dialogue. It’s ridiculous! That may have been the wittiest thing that my dad has ever said.

Another awkward situation is when I want a drink. I feel like I have to sneak around in my own house if I want some alcohol. I’m 23, for the love of Chip, but I still feel like my parents are looking at me strangely when I decide to add some vodka to my orange juice or tequila to my Trix yogurt. Who are they to judge me? Oh yeah, my parents. I need to move out. Strulson, move to Philly so we can get a place together.

 

I'm a little slow

I was definitely invited! At least Chris and Jake remembered me. I'm not too cool for you guys...just a little slow at figuring things out, that and I'm late for everything, you guys should know that by now. Remember all those times you had to wait to go to breakfast because it took me so long to get ready. I know Strulson remembers because I kept him from eating and I thought he would kill me, or eat me before we got to the the dining hall.
It will be a while before I post again because my internet won't be up for a while at my new place in Lorton. -Jake, we're even closer now so we'll have to get together some time!

 

Unexpected Guests

So Grossy and Laurie showed unexpectantly at my apartment the other night, and they were all like "Ohhh, Jake, you're so sexy."

And of course I was like "I know," but then I was like "Wait, what do you want?"

And they were all, "We just want to be in the apimpment..."

And I was all like, "Ladies, ladies, please, all women want in the apimpment. What makes you think you're qualified?"

And then they both stood up, walked over to all sultry-like, and then tripped over eachother. The rest is history.

Moral of the story: There will be no more invites unless I am specifically instructed to issue said invite. I pretty much ran out of friends after inviting Chris, anyway.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

 

Strulson

As yuo can tell by my title and my login name ( which is Strulson) I am he who is Strulson. In accordance with this blog I am only only allowed to post when I am a) Drunk b) SHirtless and c) making out with someone or something, which I have complied to seeing as I just got back from the bar, took off my shirt and am now tongueing my favorite Garth Brooks CD. At the bar I heard a good joke which I wifsh to past on to u all:
Kykle: Who do you call Smearo's grandfather?

Me and others: I dont Know?????

Kyle: Pap Smear

Me and others: HAHAHAHAHA!

ok so my friends here are not as funny, but what do u expect from chem nerds. Anyways, I hope this blog thing works cause this was way troo much concentration for me. I miss you guys and I am drunk/ Naked now/ and thinking of those times where Mark gave me weird looks that gave me a weird feeling in my groinal region. Well I hope that is a soothing thought to everyhebdjw3 have a good night cauise I think I did.

 

Who is in this apartment?

Laurie? GammaSnackle? these were un expected surprises. Who else can we expect in this apartment? I'm cool with everyone... except Ashly K. I think Strulson is cute but i don't want to read a 3 1/2 page essay about his eyes. His boobs already have too much page space for my taste. YESSSS... i totally used the words "boobs" and "taste" in the same sentence. Take THAT Zander, you bastard!!

Why must we hate?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

 

From an heiress of 255

Aaaah, Dennis, Outkast pump-up music for Madden, Twizzlers, and shirtless ping pong ... just a few of the memories that provide me some solace in this stark stark lone star land devoid of you all. This blog is a great idea; I can't promise I'll write more than once every full moon, but I can promise I'll laugh my donkey [that's ass to the layperson] off everytime I catch up on all the posts.
I'll save cheesiness and weeping miserbly for an email, but here are a few questions I have been wondering lately. Why would someone at our local grocery store give me a nasty look for wearing a t-shirt that says Mad Cow Improv? Do they have a problem with improvisational comedy done by a group of couldn't-tell-they-weren't-professional young men and women? And who the heck are these "cowboys" anyway and why are people cheering for them at the bar? Do they not know that only one man and one team are worthy of breaking out into cheers that my soupline guests would describe as "screaming like a white lady running out the east side"? Why am I the only one in my house spelling E-A-G-L-E-S and becoming physically ill when they lose horribly to the aforementioned "boys"? Why do people blankly stare at me when they say "can you toss the salad" in soupline and I can't do anything but laugh and wipe a tear from my eye, and say, "oh I'll toss your salad"? Basically, who are these people; where is this place; and what have they done with the apartment I called home even before I lived there and the people in it who couldn't stop making me laugh?
These are just some of my questions ... can the wisdom of 255 (the same wisdom that brought you drunk phone calls, idiotic movies, 12 hrs of daily madden, and much much more) offer any advice?
Oh and I remember the (probably daily) pile up of girls all over strulson and his boobs ...I was the one over in the kitchen running into a closed window most likely.
You take care, now ya'll!
Steph G-Snickle

 

Tribute to Girls (Mad Libs of Laurie's Story)

So, I kept bugging myself to post to this blog, and after 7 scotch and tonics I drunkenly decided to write to myself. Since I'm not really funny when I drink, I am going to try my best not to vomit all over my keyboard.

I think time should be taken to remember the gems the apartment that only Strulson saw -- the girls that swallowed everything. I think girls purposely suggested seeing Strulson's collection of horrible movies in his bedroom for the first date in hopes of luring him to bed so they could end up being stuck with the mark of Strulson.

After many years of abuse at Etown, I believe girls sought justice by sucking up anything that got near it. If you couldn't find the remote you would have to stick your entire arm into the girls to find it (as well as 20 packages of Twizzlers, 5 back issues of the Etownian, and Strulson). The fondest memory I have of girls was when they let me down. The fateful day was in Apt. 255 and I was putting my coat on to go out. I am the first to admit I am not the most graceful person, so in the process of walking towards the door, I got my feet tangled up in Strulson. As I started to fall head first towards a pile of Strulson's girls, I took solace in the fact that Strulson has never thrown anything off of himself; I would comfortably hit him and would need the jaws of life to get me back out. However, on this fateful day as I was tangled in my coat and Strulson's boobies, I landed on the girls for a split second before I was slammed onto the floor. I believe this was when girls were in their last days at Apt. 255 - so I'm sure it knew the dumpster death they awaited and that you can't take anything with you when you go to the beyond.

Monday, October 24, 2005

 

Tribute to the Couch

So Jake kept insisting that I post on the infamous "Apimpment" blog and after 7 email invites from him I have decided (and figured out how) to write to the men of Apt. 255 (except for that Dennis character - we really didn't get along). Since I'm not really funny without being provoked, I am going to try my best to just be mediocre at this funny business today.

I think time should be taken to remember the one gem that was in the apimpment - the couch that swallowed everything. I think Jake purposely suggested seeing horrible movies at the theater for our first date in hopes of luring me to Brinser so I could end up being stuck in the couch forever. After many abuse ridden years at Etown, I believe the couch sought justice by sucking up anything that got near it. If you couldn't find the remote you would have to stick your entire arm into the depths of the cushions to find it (as well as 20 packages of Twizzlers, 5 back issues of the Etownian, and a girl who made out with Strulson a couple of weeks before).

The fondest memory I have of the couch was when it let me down. The fateful day was in Apt. 255 and I was putting my coat on to go out. I am the first to admit I am not the most graceful person, so in the process of walking towards the door, I got my feet tangled up in Strulson's backpack. As I started to fall head first towards the couch I took solice in the fact that the couch has never thrown anything off of it; I would comfortably hit the cushions and would need the jaws of life to get me back out. However, on this fateful day as I was tangled in my coat and the booby trap Strulson left for me, I landed on the couch for a split second before I was slammed onto the floor.

I believe this was when the couch was in its last days at Apt. 255 - so I'm sure it knew the dumpster death it awaited and that you can't take anything with you when you go to the beyond.



P.S. Good luck Craig! ;)

 

Saw Serenity this weekend...

...and it was awesome! I don't know if any of you guys heard about it, but I went with my roommate Marcus and we loved it. But not eachother, I'm not that lonely. It was like watching what the new Star Wars should have been.

Also, regarding the photos on the left -- I have detailed dossiers on each of you, so don't ever beat me in Madden again. If you think pink phones and drunk Strulsons are embarrassing, I also have exclusive video clips of topless pingpong slapping, playground equipment riding, and just about every pec slap since 2002.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

 

Jakes picture selections

Jake used pictures that caught our essence, this is how i see it:

-I have the most beautiful eyes ever in that picture and a bubbly personality.
-Chris is 100% paranoid and doesn't like to be touched by elbows... not even J-lo's elbow.
-Strulson is only cool when he is drunk and dressed like a bum screaming for aums.
-Jake is cold, stoic, and unforgiving.... in bed.
-Mark has developmental and sexual identity problems, using a pink toy phone to call his pretend boyfriend (i'm not going to say who it is, but i hear (on my pink toy phone) that he is stoic, cold, and unforgiving... in bed)
- Dennis is.... a playstation 2

 

Football Newsletter

So I was talking to the mysterious, elusive Matt Strulson today and he said he would have posted if he had been able to figure out how to do it. We got to reminiscing about Madden, and he suggested that we should have had a weekly newsletter about the game. This seemed like a funny idea, so we came up with the following possible headlines. Feel free to add your own.

Richman motivates team by blaring Outkast during games: Rest of the Apimpment is looking for a new playlist. (See Related, "Richman is Hairy")

Jake Overreacts to Loss: Apt. 255 Hides in Fear

A shirtless Strulson, down early, found inspiration in a half time make-out session with a brick wall and went on to win 45-37.

Mark wins on a last second field goal; Lindsey not impressed.

Apimpment presents Richman with commemorative booster chair after his third Super Bowl win.

Jake curses a record 415 times at Kerry Collins; Collins still drunk.

Test results show that mystery fluid found on Dennis is Strulson's protein shake; Rest of Apimpment lets out collective sigh of relief.

Mark Sees his shadow during a Yetis game...six more weeks of Winter.

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