Saturday, December 24, 2005

 

Merrry Drunkmas


I figured that since I'm single and no one else will see my fancy holiday boxers, that you should all be subjected to them. Aha ahaha. What a nice friend.

I posted this in my blog last year, but it's holidayian specific, so I figured it was worth a second look.

I’ve devised ten ways to bring cheer not only to myself but to others who are feeling down this Christmas. Call it my Christmas present to mankind.

1. Wrap some of the worthless shit in your house/room/apartment that you’ve been meaning to throw away and write “From Santa” on the packages. Then it will seem like Santa is worse at giving gifts than your lame ass.
2. Hang mistletoe over your bed and masturbate furiously underneath it. Rinse. Repeat.
3. If you have a garage, park your car inside and run the motor until the sweet fumes remind you of chestnuts roasting on an open fire. If you wait long enough, you’ll be able to see all of those relatives who couldn’t be there for Christmas.
4. Put on your favorite Christmas song, but if it is either Little Drummer Boy or Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time by the Beatles, do us a favor and follow the third suggestion.
5. Leave out three boxes of cereal for the little lord Jesus to eat when he comes down your chimney–Golden Grahams, Frankinberrycense and Disney’s Little Myrrhmaid Cereal.
6. Trust your pregnant girlfriend whom you’ve never slept with when she tells you that the baby was put in her belly by God.
7. If it doesn’t snow, just wipe the excess dandruff from your shoulders onto the ground, you fucking dirtball.
8. Buy yourself a new pet and put it under the tree for yourself. If you don’t want to recoil in horror on Christmas morning, however, remember to punch air holes into the box. Otherwise you won’t need to make that turkey after all.
9. Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” until you’re convinced that an angel will stop your suicide attempt.
10. Write a sarcastic and bitter entry into your blog.

Friday, December 23, 2005

 

I need a ruling

So one day after a loss by the Eagles (the team, not the band), I was sitting on instant messager anxiously awaiting the start of the Colts/Bengals game. One Tim Matlack, of Yardley fame, was online, so I decided to send him an IM.

Chris: Hey Tim!
Tim: What up.
Chris: The Eagles suck, huh?
Tim: Totally.
Chris: You gonna watch the Bengals/Colts game?
Tim: Both those teams are overrated.

Now, going into the game, the Colts were 9-0 and the Bengals were 7-2.

Chris: What? No they're not.
Tim: They totally are.
Chris: They're totally not.
Tim: They totally are.

This went on for a good four hours.

Chris: I bet you one of those teams will make the Super Bowl.
Tim: No they won't.
Chris: Yes they will.

(5 hours later)

Chris: If you don't believe it, let's bet.
Tim: Okay.
Chris: $10 says either the Bengals or the Colts are in the big game.
Tim: You're on.

So the bet was set up. Things were fine. We occasionally shared trash talk about whether it was going to happen. Then, last night, I got the following IM:

Tim: look i gotta retract the bet, not because i think i will lose, but i cant root against the colts now that that thing with dungys son went down.

I'm not a bastard, but I thought that this was silly. I replied:

Chris: i know the stuff with dungy's son is sad and all, but i don't see what it has to do with a bet we made a month ago

We haven't decided yet whether it is still on or not, but what do you guys think?

(Sorry this wasn't a funny one)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

 

Where's the creme filling?

Well well well, you know its sad that because of my email address I now always forget the n at the end of my last name, just thought i would share that with ye lot. Anyways, I decided to post because my last one was not recieved kindly by the post masters (Team Ocean). I just ventured back from "sneaking" into the faculty holiday luncheon here at bucknell. I thought this was going to be a brilliant idea as all I could picturing happening was me eating free food and then scurrying on my way back to lab. However, there were a few stumbling blocks along this road that I did not forsee. The first thing that threw off my plan was getting stuck sitting with our chemistry secretary and the lady who runs the stockroom. While this may not seem bad its kinda rough listening to 50 year old women talk about sex while you try to eat, I believe the phrase stuffed chicken was used a couple too many times. The next unforeseen event invovled a speech by Bucknells president. Again this seems fairly harmless but as he told the nominees for some team award thing to rise when their group was called, and the heavyset gentleman sitting right in front of me stood up revealing a decent view of ass cleavage complete with its own fur coat while I was biting down into my chocolate cake, I yet again questioned the existence of a divine being. (damn that was a run on sentence) The more I thought about it though I guess it was gods way of saying "you bum dont be goin to faculty lunches when u aint faculty, biatch" After these stomach churning events I was suppossed to finally meet our secretaries daughters ( one of them happens to be 18 and hot and blonde) but as a final blow to the dome there was no hot 18 year old girl waiting to meet me, for she had to go to the doctors. In conclusion there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

 

WILDwood


So I'm about to head down to Wildwood to pick up a Christmas gift for my mom (more on that later) and to hang out with Becky, one of the wenches from my summer job (pictured right). My brother asked me to, "Make sure I bang her for him." I'm now taking bets on the odds of that actually happening. Remember two things: 1) There will be alcohol and 2) the look she is giving me is because we were both pretending to do ballet for some reason that seemed valid at the time. Man, I hope she doesn't think I'm gay.

So what are the odds? I'm thinking 6/100.

 

Thought for the day...


 

Two Hams will surely thrill him

I am hungry

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

 

Good News, Everyone!

http://slashdot.org/articles/05/12/20/1754211.shtml?tid=129&tid=133

Futurama might be on the way back!

 

The Ocean


 

More Pictures

Here are some classic pics from last Friday night.



Chris being silly.


Strulson & Laura summoning their inner bluejay to help them win at beer pong.

Sorry, I don't have any pictures of Jake sleeping on the bathroom floor. ;)

Monday, December 19, 2005

 

Erik's doopleganger


Erik, you're previous post made Laurie cry, so I am uploading a picture of your twin to replace it. No more posting pictures of dead dogs!

 

Snoop Dog


Sunday, December 18, 2005

 

Why my dad can beat up your dad, Chris.


Look at that high score!

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