Friday, March 03, 2006

 

Play

So my play opened last night. It didn't go well. You can either read about it here, read a harsh yet completely true review here, or ask me and I'll send you the play to read. It worked better on paper than as a staged piece. Oh well.

 

Friday and the World is Fine

So it's friday afternoon, suckers, and I'm tired of seeing the previous post everytime I click on this site. Time for some dynamic, meaningless content!

Do you ever go into a restaurant and completely prepare yourself to order, only to get flustered and look like an idiot? Let me give you an example:

If I want a hamburger, and the menu says the hamburger comes with choice of fries or salad, I'm damn ready when the waiter comes.

"Hamburger, medium, w/ salad."

But what if this waiter throws in "What type of dressing would you like, sir?"

Then your fucked! All that prep time for nothing. Suddenly you're all like "Ranch... no, wait... peppercorn! Wait, peppercorn is ranch? Italian! No! Sonofabitch! Die, you menu-folding order-nazi!"

And then you attack him with a butter knife? Am I the only one?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

 

Boldly stepping into the new millenium

As I sit here today and think about a variety of feelings and cravings (I have a hankering for a cheesesteak), I realize how much old age is starting to set in and taking over my lifestyle. At this particular moment I am wearing a pink polo shirt, now I dont know if you guys remembered my fashion sense at Etown, but I dont think a pink polo shirt is what would have been expected of me. Yet now adays (that looks funny when its two words) I do not even bat an eye at this slightly metrosexual apparell. This may not be so bad had I not picked up another nasty habit of matching the color of my underwear to the color of my shirt, so now not only am I wearing a pink shirt but this morning while my gf wasnt looking I had to steal a pink thong ( ok it prolly didnt have to be a thong, butt what can I say). Again this may have seemed strange a few years ago, but now is all just common place. This makes me ask the question have any of you had major lifestyle changes in your old age ( I am looking at you Laurie since you're like 45 these days.....maybe u can give us some details on menopause). Hopefully your changes are not as bad as mine (metrosexual bordering on transexual) but it is interesting to think about. And I am sorry for the crack about the age Laurie, so to make it up to you I will leave with a mental image of me in a pink thong doing ballet leaps down the hallways of a buliding.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

 

Great Idea!

So, I'm sitting here desperately trying to come up with a clever "173" response to ANY of the topics offered yesterday when it hits me ... what if there are others out there, all over the world, at this moment trying to think of the exact same thing? Uncreative, unsure, but really really need to impress old friends (or a new fling) with a "173" joke?
I am sure there are and that's why you all should seriously consider a web service called "173 generator." You know those sites where they translate a passage into french or convert dollars into old native american fur trading currency? Well, this would be similar only the product they are buying is HUMOR!!! They type in the 173 whatever and you all generate the possibilities to choose from.
That way first dates, 25th high school reunions, state of the union dinners ... anything will no longer be awkward, but instead funny and lighthearted. It's like termpaper.com, but much much more important.
Because, after all, I just know there are thousands of other people out there whose number one stress on a tuesday afternoon is coming up with a clever 173 joke .... I mean, right?
And please, when you make your millions and go appear on Larry King (or more importanly, the Diane Rehm show), don't forget the little man. Or me.
I loved seeing you all (well those of you I got to see) when I was home. Keep the blogging going and see you in another 6 months or so!!!!!

 

The Old Days


PYSCHE! IT'S THE CHICKEN!




Back when I first lived with Jake (man, 6 years ago...has it really been that long?), I was unsure if we would get along. I mean, he seemed funny and largely inoffensive, but we didn't really hang out much together the first semester of freshman year; he was busy with a radio show and I was busy trying to get laid.

Anyway, that first semester I talked a lot online to my high school friends. They helped me laugh and stay connected with home. Well, I remember one day Jake and I were each at our computers, typing away. I was talking to my friend Phil. All of a sudden a noxious odor filled the room. Since I didn't remember gas coming out of my ass, I figured it had to have been Jake. But this wasn't like our senior year, when leg-lifting farts were more common than jokes about Mark being a hobbit. No, this was a different, more innocent time. And I guess Jake wasn't ready to share his fumes with me in an honest or open matter.

Leg0sis: Oh man, I think my roommate just farted.
MyFriendFromHome: So?
Leg0sis: Well, he didn't say anything.
MyFriendFromHome: Oh...so it was like a secret fart?
Leg0sis: Yeah.
MyFriendFromHome: Hahahahahaahhahhaha!
Leg0sis: Sure, it's funny if you don't have to smell it.

And that was how the secret farts began. I think they ceased once Jake started hanging out with the group of Craig and Rudd and all those kids. With great comfort came great refartability.

 

How embarrassing...

I, umm, just farted a little in my cubicle. I don't think anyone heard it, but I can't be sure. The secretary just looked at me funny. THE JIG IS UP... {transmission lost}

Monday, February 27, 2006

 

173

Didn't know if you guys were going to be around today, but I've got my laptop and I figured I'd start a new round of 173.
Same deal as last time, I guess. Answer any you haven't done and throw out a new one.

Let's start with 173 mailmen.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?