The Virtual Apimpment

Happy birthday, my man. And to think I was going to tell you to eat a dick on the fantasy baseball page. Shame on me.
 

I too wish you a happy birthday, and I wish I had thought to tell you to eat a dick as well. How does it feel to be old, and still in school?
 

173 Chris Richmans walk into a bar with their 173 22-yr-old girlfriends and the bartender's like, "thank you." And the 173 chris richmans are like, "for what?" And the bartender points to all the ladies in the bar who were all hoping to have a chance with richman, but are now relegated to drinking away their sorrow. And the bartender says, "thank you."

173 Chris Richman's walk into a bar and start a comedy contest. Everyone in the bar gets eliminated except our very own Chris Richman, who is the last comic standing. And the bartender looks out and sees Richman, chest puffed out, and is like, "you're the last comic standing!!! Stand up!"
And our Chris Richman says, "I am!"

(Sorry had to put one short one in there)

WE LOVE YOU CHRIS!!! And me more than everyone else, obviously, since I live in Texas and everythign is bigger and better here.